I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
