I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
