then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
