As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
