i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
