I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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