I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My bed smells like the plague
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
