Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
