Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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