saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
