I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
