this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
