:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
