Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
