i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
