I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
