Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
