Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
barbara walters just said penis...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
