Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
