I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
