they need to just BURY HIM!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
