dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
