It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
