Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
