I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
