She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
