I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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