Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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