I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
