I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
