Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
