Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
