I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
