Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
