I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
