i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im six kinds of drunk right now
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my shit smells like andre
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
