Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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