dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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