Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
