Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We smell like vodka and hangover
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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