And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
