We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
