She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
