? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
