Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
