There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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