quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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