i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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