I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
