...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want nice things and good sex
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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