hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
