I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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