Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
