I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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